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(A/N: After I saw Wreck-It Ralph in theaters, I had a discussion with a friend of mine about it. We were talking about it, then movies in general and then we started talking about what an MLP movie idea might be like if Hasbro ever produced one. I sat there and thought about it and I finally came up with a grand idea of what an MLP movie might be like. If you follow me on Deviantart, you know what's coming so just skip down to the start. If you don't: history lesson. After coming up with the idea, I posted it on my journal on Deviantart in what amounts to an idea pitch. I figured I'd leave it as is, considering I felt I'd never be able to pull off the idea in fanfic format. Well, unfortunately the writing bug has been biting me where it itches so here I am attempting to pull it off. You may notice I'm not giving any detail regarding the fic, that's sort of the point. I want the same buildup this would've gotten, in my ideal reality, had this been actually made into a movie. So sit back, relax, get whatever it is you would normally get when you read MLP fanfiction, and enjoy).
Disclaimer: My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is the property of Lauren Faust and Hasbro
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Equestria
Princess Celestia, monarch of Equestria, castle located in the pristine city of Canterlot, received many letters from her faithful student Twilight Sparkle and, ever since a certain incident, from other ponies in ponyville as well. As she re-rolled up the scroll she had currently received, she took it with her to the archives where she kept all of Twilight's other friendship lessons. Boxes upon boxes full of scrolls sat in this small closet-sized archive, but Celestia had a feeling she'd need more room as the years went on, but right now the small closet was plenty of room.
However, not all of the scrolls Celestia received were filed away or stacked on a shelf. A while back Celestia had had one particular friendship lesson framed and hung on the wall opposite the entrance. As she put the scroll she had just received in a box to sort it later, she looked at the wall and smiled. The lesson in question Celestia was rather proud Twilight and the citizens of ponyville had learned. It was a lesson she considered important to all little fillies and colts and even mares and stallions whose limbs were becoming old and creaky with age.
Celestia stared at the special lesson and recalled the dilemma that had occurred when she had received it. Though she'd not been there herself, she'd heard stories and her discussion with Twilight Sparkle and those involved helped her feel as if she was really there. The lesson centered on a specific ponyville resident, though was not written by them. If Celestia tried hard enough she could remember it like it was yesterday.
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Some time ago…
Ponyville
7:59am. That was the numeric readout on the alarm clock in the room of a certain ponyville resident currently sleeping with their head underneath their pillow, sheets all messed up and snoring loudly. The bedroom was for a single pony and the blinds were covered, barely letting in any sunlight. Drawers were open and items were scattered about the floor.
Suddenly the alarm changed to 8:00 and began blaring loudly, indicating its desire for its owner to get up. A gray hoof reached out from underneath the covers to turn off the alarm clock, but wound up knocking it over onto the floor, breaking it as it landed on the hardwood floor with a CRASH!
The gray pony stood up on all fours on her bed, arched her back and spread out her wings, indicating her status as a Pegasus. Half-asleep she strolled over to the blinds and grasped the rope with her teeth to open them. Light shone into the room. The gray Pegasus then pushed open her window to greet the day as she took in the scent of fresh air, letting her blonde mane flap gently in the breeze.
She looked down at the hustle and bustle slowly building in town and announced her cheerful demeanor to the world. "Good morning Ponyville!" she shouted with her hooves still on the window shutters. The gray Pegasus looked down to see two mares walking down the street in front of her two-story house, of which her bedroom occupied the second floor.
One of the mares was mint green unicorn with hair a shade of the lightest pale blue with a white streak running through it. Her cutie mark was that of a harp. The mare alongside her was and earth pony with a cream colored coat with a dual-colored blue and pink mane.
"Morning Lyra! Bonbon!" the gray Pegasus greeted the two mares walking by her house. The unicorn, Lyra, turned her head and waved to the Pegasus on the second floor.
The earth pony, Bonbon, turned her head and addressed the gray Pegasus up on the second floor. "Morning, Derpy," she called to her.
Derpy waved back with a closed eyed smile and then jumped out of the second floor, spreading her wings to take flight only to plummet headfirst onto the concrete below. Derpy got up and shook it off like it was nothing, before flapping off the ground again and diving through the open first floor window. Sitting at the table in the kitchen was an adorable little unicorn filly with a mane and coat to match Derpy's, though with a more colorful tint of gray. She sat on a stool with a bowl of colorful cereal, magically lifting the spoon into her mouth, munching on it with glee. Derpy smiled as she landed daintily on the kitchen tile floor before opening drawer after drawer, as well as the fridge, to make her own breakfast.
The name of the Unicorn sitting at the table was Dinky, Derpy's adoptive orphaned daughter. Derpy adopted Dinky many years ago, back when Dinky's head was bigger than the rest of her. Derpy had never met her special somepony, but she was so enthralled by the loving tender care her mother, Ditzy Doo Hooves, showed her that she wanted her own little filly to shower with love. Derpy was biologically born to her mother Ditzy who, much like Derpy, had a very odd naming convention, though it seemed to run in the family given Derpy's grandparents went by the names Cuckoo, her grandma, and Klutzerton, her grandfather. Derpy was given her name when her mother saw her adorable face on her for the first time. Derpy had contracted a genetic defect from her grandma's side that had skipped Cuckoo and Ditzy, but appeared in Derpy's great grandma: Woo-Woo. Just from the face Derpy got her name.
She grew up looking exactly like her mother and still did, apart from their cutie marks and the bizarre action of Derpy's eyes. Derpy grew up never knowing her father and her mother didn't want to seem to talk about it for some reason and Derpy never bothered to ask. So for Derpy to adopt a filly as a single mother didn't seem quite so odd to her given her mother had done it all her life.
As Derpy closed the cabinet to get out the glass for her milk, she looked back at Dinky sitting at the table and smiled with content as she recalled the day she picked her up from the orphanage.
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Several Years Ago...
"So Miss…Hooves," the orphanage director stated as he began the interview with the potential mother. Derpy sat on all fours in the chair behind his desk blinking one eye at a time with a silly smile on her face. "You work as a Delivery mare?"
"That's right," Derpy said nodding overly enthusiastically, "Oh! And I also work part time at Sugar Cube Corner."
"I see and…what makes you think you're qualified to adopt one of the little foals we have here at Sunny Park's Home for Unfortunate Ponies?"
"I've always wanted to shower a little filly with love and adoration just like my mother did to me growing up and look at me, I didn't turn out so bad, did I?"
It was hard for the director not to bring up the obvious regarding Derpy's eye defect, but looking at her records Derpy had never been arrested, always paid her bills on time, had room for a child given the architecture of her home and made a steady salary. He was a little worried given Derpy's rather low income, but he could see the pure mare behind the silly face. He wasn't sure how many ponies at the orphanage would jump at the chance to have Derpy for a single parent, but then he remembered one particular unicorn filly left abandoned at the orphanage's doorstep barely three months ago.
She was always crying and constantly played by herself. He took note of Derpy's coat and mane and thought he had somehow created a match made in heaven. "I think I have just the filly Miss Hooves, follow me."
When the director showed Derpy little Dinky for the first time, Derpy's reaction was…over the top. She leapt off the ground, gasping and galloped over to the small unicorn sitting all by herself in the middle of the toddler's room. The director watched Derpy study little Dinky for a few moments as the little filly sucked on a block she had telekinetically put in her mouth. Derpy began walking around the room and began slowly pushing blocks together. The little unicorn watched this much older pony with interest, still suckling on the little green block in her mouth.
Eventually Derpy had put together a small castle before she then purposely took a step forward, crossed her right leg over her left and stumbled headfirst into small structure, knocking the blocks everywhere with Derpy's head landing where the base of the structure had once been, her eyes rolling around dizzily. The block rolled out of Dinky's mouth and stumbled along the ground covered in drool. The director was about to question Derpy's…interesting performance, but then he heard something he'd never heard from the little unicorn filly before. For the first time since she'd been at the orphanage: Dinky laughed. She laughed loudly and cheerfully. Derpy laughed too and the director was now certain he had made the right decision. Derpy took Dinky home directly after that and she'd been her mother ever since.
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Present Day
Derpy flew towards the breakfast table, placing her buffet of pancakes, roasted oats and a peeled orange onto the table. Dinky smiled as her mother sat down as she recalled living with Derpy. She'd always thought of Derpy as her mother, despite knowing that they weren't blood related. She loved her mommy and admired everything about her. To Dinky, Derpy was the perfect role model of everything she wanted to be when she grew up…well maybe not everything. There were some faults Dinky had come to accept from her mother, but they were minor to her, so minor that she didn't care.
After breakfast, Dinky would saddle up for school and Derpy would sling her delivery bag around her neck and don her post-mare hat. She'd then run up to little Dinky from behind and scoop her up and over her head as Dinky landed on her back. Derpy would then fly to school, which was always an adventure and highlighted one of the things Dinky had come to accept regarding having Derpy for a mom. Derpy's cross-eyed nature didn't provide her with the best of vision so she was always crashing into the things. In today's case: a tree. However, she always shook it off like it was nothing and kept going. Some days would be particularly hazard free, but anytime she crashed she'd make Dinky laugh so on some days Derpy would crash on purpose just to make her daughter laugh. Derpy said she had a hard head so it didn't hurt. Although her vision wasn't the greatest, Derpy was a boon at magic eye puzzles so for her that was equivalent exchange.
Once she had dropped Dinky off at school, she'd then rocket across ponyville towards the post office. Derpy's job as a delivery mare was her primary job. Because she was a fast flyer, one of the top ten even, between Cloudsdale and Ponyville, she was one of the post office's most necessary delivery mares. However, because of her bad eyesight and due to being accident prone, Derpy wasn't allowed to carry any fragile packages. Last time that happened she had dropped the display case to be delivered at Carousel Boutique a grand total of five times and done a thorough job damaging it. She had since paid off that debt, but rather than firing her, her boss just switched her to just delivering letters and non-fragile goods. Derpy was fast and he needed fast. Besides, it was her first offense and she was really sorry.
Derpy had the entire morning shift as mail mare and in the afternoons, before picking Dinky up, she had a part time job at Sugarcube Corner. Mr. and Mrs. Cake had hired Derpy after she'd brought some homemade muffins to a social gathering. They were a huge hit and the Cakes decided to hire Derpy to bake some every now and then, understanding their marketing value. Derpy made 90% of all profits from her muffins. However while Derpy had never had any disasters at home, as far as anypony knew, she was not allowed to use the Cakes' oven by herself anymore. The last, and only, time she did that, a huge fireball exploded out the back end of the oven, detonating the appliance and the muffins with them as well as demolishing an entire part of the wall and sending a scorching blaze a short distance outside the establishment. Derpy was still paying for those damages.
Normally Derpy only worked Weekends or twice a week at her leisure, but today and all throughout the week she had been working right to close to the school bell. Why? Because the annual Muffin Festival was coming up and Derpy knew that she had to bake as many muffins as possible in preparation for the festival.
As the end of the school day drew near, Derpy gave the signal off to Pinkie Pie to finish the batch of Muffin Batter she had already started and flew off towards the school yard. From there she would take Dinky home to let the little filly do her homework while Derpy prepared herself for her final job of the day. At the theater house, Derpy worked as an entertainer. She did a bit with her self-built, self-named, Ultra Super Special Bubble Machine 1006. She had meant to call it 9001, but she had sprayed the paint on that part of the machine upside-down. Dinky told her it was just as cool though.
However, despite its successful structure, the machine had yet to work as intended. Derpy designed the machine so that she would blow into the tube after sucking in a deep breath and a gigantic bubble would burst into numerous smaller ones through the net attached to the open mouth of the cylindrical shaped machine. Derpy had toiled with this machine alongside her daughter, having taught Dinky how to blow bubbles, her special talent, and built the machine in hopes of creating something magnificent. However, all it did now was create a large soapy mess that Derpy would slip and slide all over, sometimes not even on purpose. Dinky would chuckle her little head off because she genuinely thought it was funny and she had recommended to Derpy to use the machine as a performance for the theater house which she knew was hiring new entertainers.
Derpy would constantly make tweaks to the machine, hoping one day it would work as intended and she'd be able to perform a routine she had drawn for herself in the basement of her house where she and Dinky had built the contraption, but all it would ever do is do what it always did: make a big mess and cause Derpy to fall into slapstick. Her routine, though the same every time still got a riot out of the crowd since Derpy's slipping and sliding was never forced. Sometimes the front row would get wet too.
After one particular performance, the owner had to pad the walls after Derpy slammed into one and left a giant crack in it, which cut her pay for the evening. Derpy managed to continue to draw in mares, colts, fillies and stallions eager to hopefully see her machine work as she preached she intended it to do, but so far no luck.
Derpy had two shows, one in the early afternoon, after picking Dinky up, and another after dinner and she would return in the evening an hour before needing to put her daughter to bed in the evening. They would watch television together with Dinky snuggled under her mother's wing or sometimes Derpy would read Dinky a bedtime story. Other times the mother and child might play a board game with one or two rules changed to keep things exciting.
At the end of the day though, between food, mortgage, and other expenses, as well as damages and debts Derpy was finding herself needing to pay at times, she was just barely breaking even, even with her three jobs. One might take a look at Derpy's life and ask if it was worth it, or if she thought that she was breaking her back and getting very little in return.
However, as Derpy shuffled her little girl up the stairs towards her bedroom, she knew there was only one reason she put up with it all, one single solitary reason she needed to get up every morning and do it all over again. She tucked Dinky into bed and flipped the light switch with her wing. Her day was almost over and what made it worth it? What made working three jobs, slipping and sliding on bubble soap, flying all across town to deliver mail, and cooking muffins all worth it?
"Good night Mommy," Dinky called from her bed as Derpy stood in the doorway, "I love you."
That made it worth it. At the end of the day, no matter what she had been through, just hearing those six words from Dinky gave Derpy everything she needed in life. She'd go into her own bedroom from there, get a working alarm clock from out of the closet, set it, program it and go to sleep. Then she'd wake up tomorrow and do it all over again, just to hear that one sentence at the end. For Derpy, her life was perfect. She had all she could ever want, apart from a working bubble machine. She was a simple mare with simple needs. However, unbeknownst to her, her life was not as blissful as it appeared on the surface.
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The Next Day
As Derpy waved hello to Bonbon and Lyra as they passed her house the two mares galloped away and around a corner the moment Derpy was inside her house before walking again at normal pace.
Lyra vocalized her displeasure with a grunt and an eye roll, "Ugh, Derpy is so weird. Why do we let her hang around with us again?"
"Because she attached herself to us after you let her eat with us that one time during that one Harvest Festival," Bonbon said with slight disdain.
Lyra gave a glare to her best friend and neighbor. "How was I supposed to know she'd lock onto us like we're her best pals after that? Besides, she just looked so lonely and helpless, I had to do something. You wanna do something about it, say it to her face."
"What? Me? You're the one who keeps telling her we should hang out more."
As could be clearly obvious from anypony listening, the two mares Derpy considered her closest friends only were her friends out of pity.
"I only don't want her to feel bad. I mean, she had to adopt a child because nopony would date her and from what I heard it's because of her eyes, and because she's so prone to accidents as well as the fact that she's pretty out there. I mean if she didn't have anypony to talk to, then I'd really feel bad for her."
And that too.
"But why do we have to suffer for it?"
"Hey you can leave me to my misery if you want. I'm the one who invited her to our table."
Bonbon's expression changed to a happier one. "You know I'd never do that to you." Lyra smiled back.
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Down at the schoolyard Dinky was dropped off by Derpy who flew off for the post office. Dinky turned back around and began bouncing towards her classmates. "Hey, Dinky," Applebloom waved to her. Dinky waved back and began bouncing towards the yellow coated filly.
"Morning Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo."
"How's it going?" Scootaloo asked.
"Oh same old, same old," Dinky said, "You three do your homework?"
"Agh! I knew I forgot to do something last night!" Scootaloo exclaimed.
"Don't worry," Dinky said, magically removing her bag and unzipping it. "You can copy off of me like before."
"So Dinky," Applebloom said as Scootaloo began copying Dinky's answers down, "Are you sure you still won't to join the Cutie Mark Crusaders?"
"Sorry, girls, you know I can't let my Mom down, besides, as I keep telling you, you three are trying too hard. You gotta just let it happen naturally, that's what my Mommy did and look how she turned out."
Applebloom and the others resisted the urge to make worried reactions. Dinky was one of the smartest fillies in school and they didn't want to hurt her feelings considered how high of a pedestal she placed her mother on. As the unicorn had stated, she wanted to make her mother proud of her. The Unicorn had natural born high intellect and wanted to make use of it so her Mom didn't have to spend so much time working and Dinky could help support her and the only way she could do that is if she got a good job as a result of good grades.
Just as Scootaloo finished copying Dinky's homework the somewhat cheery atmosphere had to turn sour with the arrival of Applebloom's self-imposed archnemesis and school bully: Diamond Tiara. "Well, well, well if it isn't Dorky and the Blank Flanks."
"It's Dinky," Dinky glared.
"Whatever," Diamond Tiara said strutting about. "Dorky, Dinky, Derpy, Ditzy, your whole family is weird and your mother is the weirdest of them all."
"At least my mother loves me, unlike some people," Dinky said taking a low blow at Tiara. "Did you fall down the stairs again or did that hoof bruise appear overnight?"
"Sh-shut up!" Diamond Tiara stammered.
"Don't you go badmouthing my Mommy just because of the bad relationship with yours?" Dinky then began strutting with her chest in the air towards the front door. "adiós, almohadón de pezuña."
Diamond Tiara growled. "I don't know what you just said, but I didn't like the way you said it."
Dinky kept walking and just turned her head over her should with a little smug smile on her face before turning back away as she headed inside.
Diamond Tiara continued to fume, "Ooooh, one of these days, Dinky Hooves."
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As Derpy trotted back to the Post Office, having just done her last possible delivery, unless a new one came in during the time it took her to deliver the letter she had just dropped off she made her way about ponyville, humming a tune to herself only to collide straight into another pony. It was an earth pony stallion with an albino coat, brown hooves and a dark red mane. "Ah, I'm so sorry," Derpy apologized, bending down to pick up her delivery bag which had a few blank letters in it for emergencies.
"A-ah, N-no th-that's okay," the earth pony said, shaking it off, "I-I…I…I…" he got an eyeful of Derpy and was drawn to her most notable feature. "Um I…um…eye…I…uh…eyes."
Derpy tilted her head in confusion.
"Have you er…seen somepony about…um…that?" the stallion tried to indicate to Derpy's eyes.
"Oh, you mean my eyes?" Derpy asked, not the slightest bit affected. "They've always been like this. I think they add to my uniqueness. Sometimes I pretend I can hypnotize people if I spin them around fast enough, watch!" Derpy then rotated her eyes around really fast like rotating wheels. She then staggered about. "Ohhhh, why is the world spinning?" she asked before dizzyingly flopping onto the ground. She got up and shook her head back and forth again. "I don't think I've seen you around before, are you new here?"
"N-no, I'm not…I mean…sorry, if you'll just excuse me." The stallion began to walk past Derpy, but then she noticed something on his flank. "Hey what's that?" she asked, hovering over his flank area from the air. She took a look at his cutie mark which was more colorful than Rainbow Dash's hair and designed incredibly blocky like an 8-bit graphic. "Oh that's cool. I've never seen a cutie mark like that before."
"I…uh…" the stallion was growing increasingly nervous.
"Oh wow did you know if look at your cutie mark like this," Derpy said widening her irises, "It kind of looks like…"
"I have to go!" The stallion charged off into the distance.
"Ah! Hey! Wait a second, I'm not finished!" Derpy flew after the charging stallion only to fly headfirst into the sign of Rarity's favorite coffee shop, causing the sign to swing back and forth as Derpy hung from it like a bear skin rug.
Rarity, walking out of the shop with a cup of joe could hear what she considered to be awful creaking and looked up to see Derpy hanging from the sign. "Oh my goodness, are you quite all right Derpy?" Rarity asked her.
Derpy came unglued from the sign and shook her head. "Huh, yeah I'm fine. I was just chasing after this albino stallion. He had a really cool cutie mark. If you look at it with your inner eye," Derpy said, pointing to her ocular nerve, "It makes it look like a muffin."
Rarity laughed nervously. "I'm sure it does, Derpy." Being friends with Pinkie Pie should've had the unicorn prepared for any sort of absurdity, but there were clear differences between Pinkie Pie and Derpy in terms of social behavior.
Pinkie Pie was overly hyper and sometimes never shut up, but she was a good conversationalist when she wanted to be. She did things that, for many ponies clearly broke the laws of Equestrian Physics, and often her energetic behavior led to chaos, though she meant well. However, she did at least have somewhat of a good head on her shoulders, completely aware of her surroundings and all around the friendliest pony and most popular within ponyville as far as anypony knew.
Derpy on the other hand was socially awkward, frequently misunderstood social context and said things that sometimes even Pinkie Pie just had to nod her head and let slide, like her tale about the mysterious swamp monster in Froggy Bottom Bog that breathed sprinkles and was allergic to mint toothpaste. Much like Pinkie Pie, she meant well, often trying to be friendly, but she often did not see how she was butting into social groups she wasn't invited into. However because of her condition, all of the ponies around her treated her kindly, walking on egg shells not wanting to hurt her feelings because the blonde Pegasus was so kind hearted.
"If you see him, let me know. I want to introduce him to Pinkie Pie. I think he's new," Derpy said and flew off towards the post office.
With her job at the post office concluded for the day, Derpy made her way to Sugarcube Corner to continue baking muffins.
"Hey there baking buddy!" Pinkie Pie greeted her as Derpy set hoof into the kitchen. "What recipe are we working on today?"
Derpy pulled a note from out of her satchel. "I want to try out a new recipe from the other night." Derpy put the recipe sheet on the table. The recipe was called "Mud Lava Muffins".
"Mud lava?"
"Yeah see," Derpy pointed to a hand drawn scribble of the finished product, see, "The muffins have liquid chocolate in the center so when you take a bite it oozes all down the side and since the muffin is meant to look like the ground I call it mud lava."
"But it's chocolate, so wouldn't it be chocolate lava?" Pinkie Pie asked. Derpy gave the pink pony an absentminded, confused, head tilted look. "Oh never mind, let's bake some muffins!"
"Yay!" Derpy reared up on her hind legs.
After successfully putting the batter together and getting the batch in the oven, Derpy decided to mingle out in the dining area. She beamed when she saw Lyra and Bon Bon by the door and began to walk over to them. They appeared to be just settling down.
As she walked over toward them though she was flagged down and called for by Twilight, though the unicorn wasn't exactly sure as to Derpy's name so she just called out to her. "Hey, you! Over here!" Derpy looked over at Twilight and indicated herself with her hoof. "Yes, you!" Twilight waved her over. Derpy happily trotted towards Twilight. "Hi, Twilight Sparkle."
"Oh, you seem to have me at a disadvantage, I recognized you because I always see you around, but I don't think we've ever been formally introduced. How do you know my name?"
Derpy laughed happily. "It's hard to find a pony these days that hasn't heard of the name Twilight sparkle, at least within the Tri-stable area. I'm Derpy Hooves."
"Oh…I…I see."
Derpy understood Twilight's potential discomfort. She didn't understand much, but she had a few key details down pat when introducing herself to new ponies. "Oh, don't worry, I like my name. I know how some people think of it because I have the googley eyes," Derpy said as she moved her eyes around, "And I'm always bumping into things," she said as she shook out her hoof, "But my Mom took one look at me when I was born and I was making this face," Derpy said as she stuck out her tongue to the side and made one eye go up as high as possible without straining her eyeball and the other one go as low as possible without straining her eyeball, "And so she thought the name was perfect for me?"
"Oh, I see," Twilight felt a little more relaxed.
"I'd ask you what can I get you, but Mr. and Mrs. Cake don't let me wait tables. Last time I took an order for a large table and I tripped on my way over and everything had to be remade. I guess the floors here aren't as clean as they are at my house."
"That's fine. Actually I'm here with Applejack who invited me to help do some early taste testing for the upcoming Muffin Festival. It's my first one here in Ponyville. I'm not one for a sweet tooth, but Applejack was so earnest in her request I didn't want to turn her down. She said I should try all of the different kinds. If you can't take my order do you have any recommendations?"
Derpy brightened up. "Actually yeah, Pinkie Pie and I just put a batch of muffins in the oven with my new recipe, I'll have her bring out two one the house for you and Applejack to try."
"That would be great, thanks."
"Uh…where is Applejack?"
"Oh she'll be here in a few minutes. She said she might be a little bit considering how far Sweet Apple Acres is from here, not to mention all of the work she has to do in the morning."
"Oh, I see, well it was nice meeting you."
"Nice meeting you too, Derpy."
Derpy smiled and trotted away from Twilight towards Bonbon and Lyra's table.
Lyra gasped when the gray Pegasus headed their way. "Ack, I thought she only worked here twice a week."
"Oh ponyfeathers that's right, the muffin festival is coming up, of course she's be working here every day!" Bonbon exclaimed.
"Okay, no need to get our hindquarters in a twist, remain calm, act natural."
"Hi girls!" Derpy said walking over only for her happy expression to switch to one of concern. "Is everything all right?"
"We're fine," Lyra said, forcing a cheerful smile, "In fact we're just about ready to order."
Derpy was distraught. "Sorry girls, I know you're my best friends and all, but Mr. and Mrs. Cake won't let me wait tables after what happened last time."
"Oh that's okay," Bonbon said, you don't have to bring it to us and it's just the two of us. Can you just bring our order to them?"
"That I can do!" Derpy said getting overly excited. Mr. and Mrs. Cake hadn't said she couldn't do that.
"We'll just have two milkshakes," Lyra said.
"One for each of us," Bonbon added to avoid the catastrophe of Derpy accidentally thinking they needed four milkshakes.
"Right, got it," Derpy said and headed for the kitchen.
"That was close," Lyra sighed.
"I feel kind of bad for needing to insist the fact that we only want two."
"With Derpy anything's possible. Remember the accordion incident two years ago?"
"You said we would never speak of that again!" Bonbon said with dread in her voice.
"Hey!" An exclamation came. Lyra and Bonbon froze as both turned their heads to hear Derpy within earshot, glaring. Both gulped, afraid she had heard them, but then, all too suddenly her expression changed to one of confusion. "What flavors did you guys want again?" Only Derpy would add 'again' despite not having asked for which flavors in the first place.
"Uh, chocolate!" Bonbon shouted out.
"Strawberry!" Lyra added without hesitation.
"Got it!" Derpy beamed. "One chocolate and one strawberry milkshake coming right up."
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Ponyville theater house
The albino pony Derpy had run into made his way to the theater house, the director of which was looking for a new act to put on in between Derpy's two shows. The old act of Cloudchaser, a blue pony with spikey blonde hair who could do cool tricks with a really big sword in between his teeth, was moving on to bigger and better things and therefore wasn't going to be able to perform anymore. The white pony had scheduled an interview and made his way to speak with the director.
The director of Ponyville's theater house, Wilbur Shakespony, was a unicorn mare originally from Canterlot with a rather long horn and legs, beige coat and frazzled auburn mane that completely covered his eyes. He was in the back when the albino pony found them. "Mr. Shakespony."
Wilbur turned around to see the albino stallion. "Ah you must be the stallion who sent word to meet with me regarding a job." His high-pitched flamboyant voice betrayed his rather shaggy appearance. "I should let you know I don't hire just anypony into this industry. I'm looking for the next big star," Wilbur stretched out his hooves above his head, "To carry himself to become a wonderful entertainer and success," he put his hooves on the ground, "But alas, I am reduced to hiring the best I can find in this small theater house. What's your name and what can you do?"
"M-my name is Clyde Chucklehead. I'm a comedian."
"Ah, a comedian, we haven't had one of those in the theater house in ages! Are you funny?"
"I-I…w-well," Clyde rubbed a hoof against his torso, "Well I did win an award for funniest stallion a few years ago in Tampa Hay."
"You're hired!" Wilbur told him.
"Excellent, I'll get prepared for my act tonight right away. Er that is…I will be going on tonight, right?"
"Oh, but of course, Mr. Chucklehead. I absolutely crave the necessity of players in my theater all evening long and the stallion you are taking over for has been absent for three weeks. Please, make yourself comfortable, I will add you to the roster right away!" Wilbur galloped away towards his office.
"Wonderful," Clyde said with an evil grin as his eyes glowed red for a moment. He chuckled to himself momentarily.
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That Evening
After Derpy put on her first show, another failure for her machine as always, she made her way backstage, still slipping and sliding all over the place, as her hooves were still soapy and she crashed right into poor Clyde.
Derpy shook it off, spread out like a bear skin rug again until she noticed she was on top of the person she had crashed into. "Sorry, I'm sorry!" Derpy said, taking flight. "I didn't see you there and my performance just ended and—hey!" She recognized him and landed on the ground. "You're that stallion I saw earlier today. I didn't get your name."
Oh great, her! "I-I'm Clyde…Clyde Chucklehead. I-I just started working here tonight I'm on next."
"That's great, you'll like it here," Derpy said with a smile with her eyes closed, "Mr. Shakespony is a really good boss. I have another performance after this if you care to watch."
"Umm…sure…I guess," Clyde said finding it hard to deny such an innocent request.
Derpy went over to the metal lunchbox she had brought with her. She opened it and popped the muffin inside into her mouth. Clyde smelled the warm succulent scent of toasted sugar and was drawn to Derpy's snack box. He was salivating as he hunched over her shoulder looking hungrily at the muffins.
"Oh, do you like Muffins?" Derpy asked. "Here, you can have," she asked holding onto the one muffin she was eating and handing him the box with the other four, "I can always make more."
Clyde tore into the muffins like a wild beast, devouring them like a creature with lots of sharp teeth you shouldn't feed after midnight. He realized his bad eating habits and looked at Derpy who had stopped putting the half-eaten muffin into her mouth. He swallowed all of his food. "S-sorry, it's just…I really like muffins is all."
"I can tell, your cutie mark looks like a muffin a little bit so…"
"Wh-what are you talking about?" Clyde sweated shaking his flank. "M-My flank is just a multicolored boxey-thing."
"But if you use your inner eye…oh are you bad at magic eye puzzles?"
"H-huh?" Clyde was confused.
"It's okay if you aren't. Not everpony can do it well. I like magic eye puzzles a lot though. One time I saw one that was colored really pretty with all sorts of reds, yellows and pinks and greens and when I looked at it real closely it turned into a Dolphin. It was really cool."
"U-um…that's interesting. I…uh…"
"Oh! If I'm staying here to watch your act, that means I have to order in for Dinky. Oh, wait, is your routine foal friendly, maybe I'll bring her along for tonight."
"You don't really need to. Um…"
"I'll be right back. I hope I'm not late." Derpy tore into the air only to crash into the ceiling. "I'm okay!" she called out and then pushed open a window near the glass roof and made her way home.
Derpy settled things at home and came back to watch Clyde's routine. She came in on the tail end of a joke and since everypony else was laughing she laughed too. She listened through the rest of it, enjoying the routine. Clyde was really funny.
"So one year I worked as a camp counselor for little fillies in Manehattan and I never did it again because little fillies in Manehattan are so bratty! For example, we were supposed to go on a nature trail and I said 'Hey who's ready to go on a half-mile hike'. At that point I just opened up the floodgates for the fillies to take pot shots at each other like it's a wing or horn comparing contest." A few chuckles escaped the audience at the comparison as the bit continued with Clyde pretending to be a different filly with every changed sentence. "Uh, I went on a two mile hike. Uh, I went on a five mile hike and I wasn't even tired. Yeah, well my dad competed in the Manehattan walk for hoof cancer and I had to carry him the last ten miles." The audience laughed at the absurdity. Clyde returned to his normal voice. "I'm like fillies you're eight, get your juiceboxes and let's get going!" Everypony laughed.
Clyde concluded his routine with. "And the dragons think they're so high and mighty, walking around, breathing fire or whatever kind of breath they have." He wiped his hoof in front of his face. "Do those things brush at all?" Laughter sounded through the hall. "But seriously, they might think they're all that, but when push comes to shove we all know we've got them horsewhipped. How do I know? Well, why else do you think we call them yellow bellies?" The audience was in uproar. "Thank you ladies and gentlecolts you've been a wonderful audience, goodnight!"
As Derpy headed back stage to ready her bubble machine she complimented Clyde on a job well done and told him he was really funny. "Yeah…thanks."
Clyde could only laugh as Derpy floundered yet again with her failed bubble machine only to notice that all of the ponies seemed to be laughing at her as Derpy was blissfully oblivious to their schadenfreude induced laughter. That evening he went to the space he was renting out with the Rich's speaking with Filthy Rich long after Diamond Tiara had been put to bed.
"I saw your performance tonight. You're as funny as I've heard Mr. Chucklehead."
"Oh please, call me Clyde," Clyde told him. "Thanks again though for letting me stay with your family Mr. Rich."
"Oh no, no, no the pleasure is mine. Anything for a friend of my sister, Lotta."
"By the way Mr. Rich, what's the deal with that gray Pegasus?"
"Gray…Pegasus?"
"The one with the weird eyes."
"Oh, her. She's an oddball that one," Rich said, taking a sip of his wine, "The sooner you learn to accept her presence the better. She's not going away any time soon."
"Why do you say it like that? She doesn't seem that bad."
"She's not, but she's so strange, but nopony here is mean enough to say it to her face. The poor thing, blissfully unaware of the world around her and how it sees her."
"Interesting," Clyde said with a smirk as he loudly sipped his wine.
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The Next Evening
Despite wanting to see Clyde's performance again, Derpy didn't want to leave Dinky home for two nights in a row and she was certain he must repeat a routine every once in a while. She'd get to hear them all eventually. Derpy and Dinky were finishing dinner when Derpy happened to take note of the clock. "Up, I have to get going. You know the rules Dinky, right?"
"Don't let anypony in that I don't know that Mommy hasn't told me is coming by. Don't leave the house unless it's an emergency and don't go into Mommy's room either."
"That's my girl!" Derpy nuzzled and pecked Dinky on the forehead before heading out for work again. When she arrived she was just coming in on the tail end of Clyde's routine, who had seen her walk in the door and head for backstage. He smirked to himself, ready to put his plan into motion.
"Okay, okay, but enough about my last trip to the Broncos. I'm sure everypony here knows about a very special pony here in Ponyville by the name of Derpy Hooves, am I right?" Cheers from the audience could be heard. Derpy smiled as she continued to tweak her bubble machine in hopes that it might work this time. She would give it a few short cranks of the wrench, figuring Clyde was wrapping up his bit and letting her come on stage.
"But has anypony noticed just how weird she is?" Derpy stopped mid-twist with the wrench in her mouth when she heard this. "I mean for evidence look no further than her eyes. Is she looking up, down, left or right? Oh wait, she's probably just trying to pretend she's paying attention, but her eyes are a dead giveaway that nobody's home." Everypony laughed. The wrench dropped from Derpy's mouth in shock. Clyde continued. "Seriously though it is a good skill," he paused, "If you wanna look like a freak show." The audience roared.
"Th-that's not…" Derpy stammered, deeply hurt.
"Also I heard she broke a floor just by sitting on it. Well I guess we all know where that muffin weight goes." Derpy felt like she might cry.
"And everypony, please…tell me I'm not the only one who's noticed this. Surely it should be obvious that the reason she had to adopt is because one weird-eyed pony is enough for this neighborhood, am I right?"
Derpy was now deeply depressed and gravely emotionally wounded as the mean-spirited, hurtful jokes continued for what felt like hours, but didn't even exceed ten minutes. "Ah, but that's enough folks, let's let the old mare come on out and slip and slide all over the stage, just like my ex-wife."
The spotlight panned stage right, but Derpy did not emerge, not at first. It was a short while before she exited onto the stage looking downtrodden and miserable. Her mane was drooping as much as she was. She didn't even have the bubble machine with her. She just sat her plot down center stage as the spotlight focused in on her. For a few moments Derpy didn't move. She didn't say anything or make any noise, at least until what sounded like tearful sniffing echoed through the theater hall.
"So that's it huh? That's how you all really feel?" Derpy asked, sounding sadder than a grieving widow. "I'm just the special pony that everypony pities? I'm the everymare that gets talked about behind her back because she's different? You act like you want me to come forward and be one of the crowd, but you don't like me at all do you? I'm just a source of comedy for you all aren't I?" Derpy picked up her head, tears were threatening to fall. She was doing her best not to break down in front of the audience. "I thought you loved me!" Derpy shouted and then took off and exited through the front doors of the theater, smashing them apart at the hinges like the impact brought upon by a runaway truck. Tears streamed behind her as she flew all the way home and crashed through the second story window onto her bed, hitting it head first and flopping onto her stomach on the opposite side of it from which she had entered. She covered her eyes with her hooves and began to cry. She had never been so hurt in all her life. Derpy had never felt so betrayed. For years she thought everypony considered her just like every other pony, but she couldn't have been more wrong.
Dinky, downstairs, heard the crash and galloped up the stairs. She grabbed the plunger from the bathroom, magically levitating it in an attempt to use it, believing a burglar entered her house. She knew she wasn't supposed to enter her mommy's room when no one was home and it was best for her to dial 911, but she had to investigate first. She pressed her ear to the door when she heard crying from a voice that sounded awfully familiar.
Using magic she turned the knob and opened the door. From the light shining into the dark room, Dinky could see her mother sobbing on the ground. "Mommy, what are you doing home? What happened?" She paused briefly and then added. "And why are you crying?" Derpy didn't answer or address Dinky, she just continued to cry. Dinky didn't know what to do to help her mommy. She had never seen her like this. She felt she could at least start by dropping the plunger. She then walked over to her Mommy and nuzzled her before settling down next to her.
Dinky had no idea what was bothering her Mommy, but she wanted her Mommy to know that she was right beside her.
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One Week Later
For the next several days Derpy was not quite herself. For starters she flew with her head down as though she was ashamed simply for existing. Dinky's rides to school were rather boring, she was worried. At work Derpy seemed unenthusiastic at both the post office and Sugarcube Corner. Even Pinkie Pie dumping a bag of flour over her head couldn't lift her spirits.
At work she even asked if she could do some letter filing, the most boring job in the office. When asked why she was volunteering for that duty Derpy's response was, "Somepony has to do it."
Dinner was somewhat saltier than normal, mostly due to the fact that Derpy was crying whilst she cooked. She refused to do her performance job, of course. And of course, Clyde was not getting off easy with some of the name calling during his routines, even making fun of other ponies, though none of his jokes about them were as mean-spirited or derogatory as they were towards Derpy.
By the end of the week Derpy had finally made up her mind of what to do. Saturday evening, Twilight received a knock on her door. She opened it to reveal Derpy, carrying a rucksack with her wing, and Dinky sitting in a wagon with an overnight bag amongst other things one would consider "the essentials" in it.
"Derpy?" Twilight asked. "Is everything okay?"
"It's not, nopony likes me and I'm so fed up with it all."
"That's not true, I still like you."
"You're only saying that to make me feel better. I see right through you, Twilight Sparkle!"
"Derpy what are you talking about?" Twilight had been so absolved in her books and studying that she'd never taken a proper look around ponyville and noticed the change in the atmosphere surrounding one gray Pegasus.
"You know what I'm talking about, but…it's okay, I understand." Derpy went over to the wagon and clasped the handle with her mouth and dragged Dinky towards Twilight. She looked at Twilight. "I know it's selfish of me to ask, but I want you to look after Dinky for a while."
"Wha—but Mommy you said we were just visiting Twilight," Dinky said, alarmed.
"I'm sorry Dinky, especially for lying to you, but…you deserve better than me for a role model."
"I don't understand," Dinky said, distraught, "Mommy, what's wrong?"
"You'll understand when you're older," Derpy kissed Dinky's horn, "Please forgive me."
"Derpy, I really don't think this is necessary."
"I've thought it over," Derpy said and walked away sadly away from the library and away from Ponyville. "This is what I've decided to do."
"Mommy, no!" Dinky jumped out of the wagon and ran after Derpy, biting her tail. Derpy looked lazily back at Twilight who understood and used her magic to pull Dinky towards her. Dinky flailed her hooves towards Derpy as she continued to walk away.
"Be good to Twilight, Dinky," Derpy told her. "There's a lot you can learn from a unicorn like her. She's sensible, intelligent, she's a unicorn like you," Derpy's eyes filled with tears as she stood facing away from the library. "And she'll be a better role model for you than I ever was." Derpy then took off into the air.
Dinky chased after her. "Mommy! Mommy! Don't go! Mommy, come back! Don't leave me!" Derpy soared higher and higher into the air. "Don't leave me, Mommy! Come back! I love you! I love you, Mommy!"
Derpy's lip quivered and tears followed her as she flew off away from ponyville and out of sight.
Dinky sat on her plot and her lip quivered before she burst into tears. Twilight walked over to her and did her best to comfort the little filly.
From the second floor of town hall, Clyde watched Derpy soar off into the distance, "There she goes," he smirked like the devil himself, "All according to plan."
To be continued...
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(A/N: So as you may have guessed by now, this fic is about Derpy. I've designed it in such a way that I think that, if the writers of MLP put their minds to it this would be the way to go to not only confirm Derpy as she is, but also keep the people who are "offended by her" off their backs. As you can tell this is only the first part and the rest of it is on its way, if not already done. But anyway, now the ch summary: Poor Derpy, huh? I wanted to establish her as a character that is just socially awkward and oblivious to the fact that the other ponies find her weird. I also wanted to make it so that Dinky was her adopted child on purpose to prevent the messiness of "Who's the Father?" because that's not the point and also add to the trauma when she leaves Dinky behind and Dinky begs her not to go because to the little filly Derpy is her mom. On top of that, I really liked writing that whole beginning and establishing that Derpy breaks her back just to hear Dinky tell her she loves her at the end of the day. If this was animated parents would be gripped as much as their kids. And in case you couldn't tell, Derpy's whole speech before she leaves the theater is supposed to be a sort of leaning on the fourth wall given how negatively some people responded to her once she opened her mouth. I wanted to get in a scene with Derpy and Rainbow Dash, but I like how this is set up right now so I guess later when the two confront I'll just reference Last Roundup. Also the sad truth of all of this is that many people with disabilities like myself [I have ADHD] don't realize the mean things people think of them behind their back. In a sense I guess that means you can say this is based off of personal experience. I'm pretty sure most of you know what the lesson is I'm trying to pull here, but for those of you who are slow I'll let the remainder of the fic speak for itself. Till next time my fellow bronies, till next time).
Disclaimer: My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is the property of Lauren Faust and Hasbro
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Equestria
Princess Celestia, monarch of Equestria, castle located in the pristine city of Canterlot, received many letters from her faithful student Twilight Sparkle and, ever since a certain incident, from other ponies in ponyville as well. As she re-rolled up the scroll she had currently received, she took it with her to the archives where she kept all of Twilight's other friendship lessons. Boxes upon boxes full of scrolls sat in this small closet-sized archive, but Celestia had a feeling she'd need more room as the years went on, but right now the small closet was plenty of room.
However, not all of the scrolls Celestia received were filed away or stacked on a shelf. A while back Celestia had had one particular friendship lesson framed and hung on the wall opposite the entrance. As she put the scroll she had just received in a box to sort it later, she looked at the wall and smiled. The lesson in question Celestia was rather proud Twilight and the citizens of ponyville had learned. It was a lesson she considered important to all little fillies and colts and even mares and stallions whose limbs were becoming old and creaky with age.
Celestia stared at the special lesson and recalled the dilemma that had occurred when she had received it. Though she'd not been there herself, she'd heard stories and her discussion with Twilight Sparkle and those involved helped her feel as if she was really there. The lesson centered on a specific ponyville resident, though was not written by them. If Celestia tried hard enough she could remember it like it was yesterday.
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Some time ago…
Ponyville
7:59am. That was the numeric readout on the alarm clock in the room of a certain ponyville resident currently sleeping with their head underneath their pillow, sheets all messed up and snoring loudly. The bedroom was for a single pony and the blinds were covered, barely letting in any sunlight. Drawers were open and items were scattered about the floor.
Suddenly the alarm changed to 8:00 and began blaring loudly, indicating its desire for its owner to get up. A gray hoof reached out from underneath the covers to turn off the alarm clock, but wound up knocking it over onto the floor, breaking it as it landed on the hardwood floor with a CRASH!
The gray pony stood up on all fours on her bed, arched her back and spread out her wings, indicating her status as a Pegasus. Half-asleep she strolled over to the blinds and grasped the rope with her teeth to open them. Light shone into the room. The gray Pegasus then pushed open her window to greet the day as she took in the scent of fresh air, letting her blonde mane flap gently in the breeze.
She looked down at the hustle and bustle slowly building in town and announced her cheerful demeanor to the world. "Good morning Ponyville!" she shouted with her hooves still on the window shutters. The gray Pegasus looked down to see two mares walking down the street in front of her two-story house, of which her bedroom occupied the second floor.
One of the mares was mint green unicorn with hair a shade of the lightest pale blue with a white streak running through it. Her cutie mark was that of a harp. The mare alongside her was and earth pony with a cream colored coat with a dual-colored blue and pink mane.
"Morning Lyra! Bonbon!" the gray Pegasus greeted the two mares walking by her house. The unicorn, Lyra, turned her head and waved to the Pegasus on the second floor.
The earth pony, Bonbon, turned her head and addressed the gray Pegasus up on the second floor. "Morning, Derpy," she called to her.
Derpy waved back with a closed eyed smile and then jumped out of the second floor, spreading her wings to take flight only to plummet headfirst onto the concrete below. Derpy got up and shook it off like it was nothing, before flapping off the ground again and diving through the open first floor window. Sitting at the table in the kitchen was an adorable little unicorn filly with a mane and coat to match Derpy's, though with a more colorful tint of gray. She sat on a stool with a bowl of colorful cereal, magically lifting the spoon into her mouth, munching on it with glee. Derpy smiled as she landed daintily on the kitchen tile floor before opening drawer after drawer, as well as the fridge, to make her own breakfast.
The name of the Unicorn sitting at the table was Dinky, Derpy's adoptive orphaned daughter. Derpy adopted Dinky many years ago, back when Dinky's head was bigger than the rest of her. Derpy had never met her special somepony, but she was so enthralled by the loving tender care her mother, Ditzy Doo Hooves, showed her that she wanted her own little filly to shower with love. Derpy was biologically born to her mother Ditzy who, much like Derpy, had a very odd naming convention, though it seemed to run in the family given Derpy's grandparents went by the names Cuckoo, her grandma, and Klutzerton, her grandfather. Derpy was given her name when her mother saw her adorable face on her for the first time. Derpy had contracted a genetic defect from her grandma's side that had skipped Cuckoo and Ditzy, but appeared in Derpy's great grandma: Woo-Woo. Just from the face Derpy got her name.
She grew up looking exactly like her mother and still did, apart from their cutie marks and the bizarre action of Derpy's eyes. Derpy grew up never knowing her father and her mother didn't want to seem to talk about it for some reason and Derpy never bothered to ask. So for Derpy to adopt a filly as a single mother didn't seem quite so odd to her given her mother had done it all her life.
As Derpy closed the cabinet to get out the glass for her milk, she looked back at Dinky sitting at the table and smiled with content as she recalled the day she picked her up from the orphanage.
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Several Years Ago...
"So Miss…Hooves," the orphanage director stated as he began the interview with the potential mother. Derpy sat on all fours in the chair behind his desk blinking one eye at a time with a silly smile on her face. "You work as a Delivery mare?"
"That's right," Derpy said nodding overly enthusiastically, "Oh! And I also work part time at Sugar Cube Corner."
"I see and…what makes you think you're qualified to adopt one of the little foals we have here at Sunny Park's Home for Unfortunate Ponies?"
"I've always wanted to shower a little filly with love and adoration just like my mother did to me growing up and look at me, I didn't turn out so bad, did I?"
It was hard for the director not to bring up the obvious regarding Derpy's eye defect, but looking at her records Derpy had never been arrested, always paid her bills on time, had room for a child given the architecture of her home and made a steady salary. He was a little worried given Derpy's rather low income, but he could see the pure mare behind the silly face. He wasn't sure how many ponies at the orphanage would jump at the chance to have Derpy for a single parent, but then he remembered one particular unicorn filly left abandoned at the orphanage's doorstep barely three months ago.
She was always crying and constantly played by herself. He took note of Derpy's coat and mane and thought he had somehow created a match made in heaven. "I think I have just the filly Miss Hooves, follow me."
When the director showed Derpy little Dinky for the first time, Derpy's reaction was…over the top. She leapt off the ground, gasping and galloped over to the small unicorn sitting all by herself in the middle of the toddler's room. The director watched Derpy study little Dinky for a few moments as the little filly sucked on a block she had telekinetically put in her mouth. Derpy began walking around the room and began slowly pushing blocks together. The little unicorn watched this much older pony with interest, still suckling on the little green block in her mouth.
Eventually Derpy had put together a small castle before she then purposely took a step forward, crossed her right leg over her left and stumbled headfirst into small structure, knocking the blocks everywhere with Derpy's head landing where the base of the structure had once been, her eyes rolling around dizzily. The block rolled out of Dinky's mouth and stumbled along the ground covered in drool. The director was about to question Derpy's…interesting performance, but then he heard something he'd never heard from the little unicorn filly before. For the first time since she'd been at the orphanage: Dinky laughed. She laughed loudly and cheerfully. Derpy laughed too and the director was now certain he had made the right decision. Derpy took Dinky home directly after that and she'd been her mother ever since.
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Present Day
Derpy flew towards the breakfast table, placing her buffet of pancakes, roasted oats and a peeled orange onto the table. Dinky smiled as her mother sat down as she recalled living with Derpy. She'd always thought of Derpy as her mother, despite knowing that they weren't blood related. She loved her mommy and admired everything about her. To Dinky, Derpy was the perfect role model of everything she wanted to be when she grew up…well maybe not everything. There were some faults Dinky had come to accept from her mother, but they were minor to her, so minor that she didn't care.
After breakfast, Dinky would saddle up for school and Derpy would sling her delivery bag around her neck and don her post-mare hat. She'd then run up to little Dinky from behind and scoop her up and over her head as Dinky landed on her back. Derpy would then fly to school, which was always an adventure and highlighted one of the things Dinky had come to accept regarding having Derpy for a mom. Derpy's cross-eyed nature didn't provide her with the best of vision so she was always crashing into the things. In today's case: a tree. However, she always shook it off like it was nothing and kept going. Some days would be particularly hazard free, but anytime she crashed she'd make Dinky laugh so on some days Derpy would crash on purpose just to make her daughter laugh. Derpy said she had a hard head so it didn't hurt. Although her vision wasn't the greatest, Derpy was a boon at magic eye puzzles so for her that was equivalent exchange.
Once she had dropped Dinky off at school, she'd then rocket across ponyville towards the post office. Derpy's job as a delivery mare was her primary job. Because she was a fast flyer, one of the top ten even, between Cloudsdale and Ponyville, she was one of the post office's most necessary delivery mares. However, because of her bad eyesight and due to being accident prone, Derpy wasn't allowed to carry any fragile packages. Last time that happened she had dropped the display case to be delivered at Carousel Boutique a grand total of five times and done a thorough job damaging it. She had since paid off that debt, but rather than firing her, her boss just switched her to just delivering letters and non-fragile goods. Derpy was fast and he needed fast. Besides, it was her first offense and she was really sorry.
Derpy had the entire morning shift as mail mare and in the afternoons, before picking Dinky up, she had a part time job at Sugarcube Corner. Mr. and Mrs. Cake had hired Derpy after she'd brought some homemade muffins to a social gathering. They were a huge hit and the Cakes decided to hire Derpy to bake some every now and then, understanding their marketing value. Derpy made 90% of all profits from her muffins. However while Derpy had never had any disasters at home, as far as anypony knew, she was not allowed to use the Cakes' oven by herself anymore. The last, and only, time she did that, a huge fireball exploded out the back end of the oven, detonating the appliance and the muffins with them as well as demolishing an entire part of the wall and sending a scorching blaze a short distance outside the establishment. Derpy was still paying for those damages.
Normally Derpy only worked Weekends or twice a week at her leisure, but today and all throughout the week she had been working right to close to the school bell. Why? Because the annual Muffin Festival was coming up and Derpy knew that she had to bake as many muffins as possible in preparation for the festival.
As the end of the school day drew near, Derpy gave the signal off to Pinkie Pie to finish the batch of Muffin Batter she had already started and flew off towards the school yard. From there she would take Dinky home to let the little filly do her homework while Derpy prepared herself for her final job of the day. At the theater house, Derpy worked as an entertainer. She did a bit with her self-built, self-named, Ultra Super Special Bubble Machine 1006. She had meant to call it 9001, but she had sprayed the paint on that part of the machine upside-down. Dinky told her it was just as cool though.
However, despite its successful structure, the machine had yet to work as intended. Derpy designed the machine so that she would blow into the tube after sucking in a deep breath and a gigantic bubble would burst into numerous smaller ones through the net attached to the open mouth of the cylindrical shaped machine. Derpy had toiled with this machine alongside her daughter, having taught Dinky how to blow bubbles, her special talent, and built the machine in hopes of creating something magnificent. However, all it did now was create a large soapy mess that Derpy would slip and slide all over, sometimes not even on purpose. Dinky would chuckle her little head off because she genuinely thought it was funny and she had recommended to Derpy to use the machine as a performance for the theater house which she knew was hiring new entertainers.
Derpy would constantly make tweaks to the machine, hoping one day it would work as intended and she'd be able to perform a routine she had drawn for herself in the basement of her house where she and Dinky had built the contraption, but all it would ever do is do what it always did: make a big mess and cause Derpy to fall into slapstick. Her routine, though the same every time still got a riot out of the crowd since Derpy's slipping and sliding was never forced. Sometimes the front row would get wet too.
After one particular performance, the owner had to pad the walls after Derpy slammed into one and left a giant crack in it, which cut her pay for the evening. Derpy managed to continue to draw in mares, colts, fillies and stallions eager to hopefully see her machine work as she preached she intended it to do, but so far no luck.
Derpy had two shows, one in the early afternoon, after picking Dinky up, and another after dinner and she would return in the evening an hour before needing to put her daughter to bed in the evening. They would watch television together with Dinky snuggled under her mother's wing or sometimes Derpy would read Dinky a bedtime story. Other times the mother and child might play a board game with one or two rules changed to keep things exciting.
At the end of the day though, between food, mortgage, and other expenses, as well as damages and debts Derpy was finding herself needing to pay at times, she was just barely breaking even, even with her three jobs. One might take a look at Derpy's life and ask if it was worth it, or if she thought that she was breaking her back and getting very little in return.
However, as Derpy shuffled her little girl up the stairs towards her bedroom, she knew there was only one reason she put up with it all, one single solitary reason she needed to get up every morning and do it all over again. She tucked Dinky into bed and flipped the light switch with her wing. Her day was almost over and what made it worth it? What made working three jobs, slipping and sliding on bubble soap, flying all across town to deliver mail, and cooking muffins all worth it?
"Good night Mommy," Dinky called from her bed as Derpy stood in the doorway, "I love you."
That made it worth it. At the end of the day, no matter what she had been through, just hearing those six words from Dinky gave Derpy everything she needed in life. She'd go into her own bedroom from there, get a working alarm clock from out of the closet, set it, program it and go to sleep. Then she'd wake up tomorrow and do it all over again, just to hear that one sentence at the end. For Derpy, her life was perfect. She had all she could ever want, apart from a working bubble machine. She was a simple mare with simple needs. However, unbeknownst to her, her life was not as blissful as it appeared on the surface.
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The Next Day
As Derpy waved hello to Bonbon and Lyra as they passed her house the two mares galloped away and around a corner the moment Derpy was inside her house before walking again at normal pace.
Lyra vocalized her displeasure with a grunt and an eye roll, "Ugh, Derpy is so weird. Why do we let her hang around with us again?"
"Because she attached herself to us after you let her eat with us that one time during that one Harvest Festival," Bonbon said with slight disdain.
Lyra gave a glare to her best friend and neighbor. "How was I supposed to know she'd lock onto us like we're her best pals after that? Besides, she just looked so lonely and helpless, I had to do something. You wanna do something about it, say it to her face."
"What? Me? You're the one who keeps telling her we should hang out more."
As could be clearly obvious from anypony listening, the two mares Derpy considered her closest friends only were her friends out of pity.
"I only don't want her to feel bad. I mean, she had to adopt a child because nopony would date her and from what I heard it's because of her eyes, and because she's so prone to accidents as well as the fact that she's pretty out there. I mean if she didn't have anypony to talk to, then I'd really feel bad for her."
And that too.
"But why do we have to suffer for it?"
"Hey you can leave me to my misery if you want. I'm the one who invited her to our table."
Bonbon's expression changed to a happier one. "You know I'd never do that to you." Lyra smiled back.
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Down at the schoolyard Dinky was dropped off by Derpy who flew off for the post office. Dinky turned back around and began bouncing towards her classmates. "Hey, Dinky," Applebloom waved to her. Dinky waved back and began bouncing towards the yellow coated filly.
"Morning Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo."
"How's it going?" Scootaloo asked.
"Oh same old, same old," Dinky said, "You three do your homework?"
"Agh! I knew I forgot to do something last night!" Scootaloo exclaimed.
"Don't worry," Dinky said, magically removing her bag and unzipping it. "You can copy off of me like before."
"So Dinky," Applebloom said as Scootaloo began copying Dinky's answers down, "Are you sure you still won't to join the Cutie Mark Crusaders?"
"Sorry, girls, you know I can't let my Mom down, besides, as I keep telling you, you three are trying too hard. You gotta just let it happen naturally, that's what my Mommy did and look how she turned out."
Applebloom and the others resisted the urge to make worried reactions. Dinky was one of the smartest fillies in school and they didn't want to hurt her feelings considered how high of a pedestal she placed her mother on. As the unicorn had stated, she wanted to make her mother proud of her. The Unicorn had natural born high intellect and wanted to make use of it so her Mom didn't have to spend so much time working and Dinky could help support her and the only way she could do that is if she got a good job as a result of good grades.
Just as Scootaloo finished copying Dinky's homework the somewhat cheery atmosphere had to turn sour with the arrival of Applebloom's self-imposed archnemesis and school bully: Diamond Tiara. "Well, well, well if it isn't Dorky and the Blank Flanks."
"It's Dinky," Dinky glared.
"Whatever," Diamond Tiara said strutting about. "Dorky, Dinky, Derpy, Ditzy, your whole family is weird and your mother is the weirdest of them all."
"At least my mother loves me, unlike some people," Dinky said taking a low blow at Tiara. "Did you fall down the stairs again or did that hoof bruise appear overnight?"
"Sh-shut up!" Diamond Tiara stammered.
"Don't you go badmouthing my Mommy just because of the bad relationship with yours?" Dinky then began strutting with her chest in the air towards the front door. "adiós, almohadón de pezuña."
Diamond Tiara growled. "I don't know what you just said, but I didn't like the way you said it."
Dinky kept walking and just turned her head over her should with a little smug smile on her face before turning back away as she headed inside.
Diamond Tiara continued to fume, "Ooooh, one of these days, Dinky Hooves."
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As Derpy trotted back to the Post Office, having just done her last possible delivery, unless a new one came in during the time it took her to deliver the letter she had just dropped off she made her way about ponyville, humming a tune to herself only to collide straight into another pony. It was an earth pony stallion with an albino coat, brown hooves and a dark red mane. "Ah, I'm so sorry," Derpy apologized, bending down to pick up her delivery bag which had a few blank letters in it for emergencies.
"A-ah, N-no th-that's okay," the earth pony said, shaking it off, "I-I…I…I…" he got an eyeful of Derpy and was drawn to her most notable feature. "Um I…um…eye…I…uh…eyes."
Derpy tilted her head in confusion.
"Have you er…seen somepony about…um…that?" the stallion tried to indicate to Derpy's eyes.
"Oh, you mean my eyes?" Derpy asked, not the slightest bit affected. "They've always been like this. I think they add to my uniqueness. Sometimes I pretend I can hypnotize people if I spin them around fast enough, watch!" Derpy then rotated her eyes around really fast like rotating wheels. She then staggered about. "Ohhhh, why is the world spinning?" she asked before dizzyingly flopping onto the ground. She got up and shook her head back and forth again. "I don't think I've seen you around before, are you new here?"
"N-no, I'm not…I mean…sorry, if you'll just excuse me." The stallion began to walk past Derpy, but then she noticed something on his flank. "Hey what's that?" she asked, hovering over his flank area from the air. She took a look at his cutie mark which was more colorful than Rainbow Dash's hair and designed incredibly blocky like an 8-bit graphic. "Oh that's cool. I've never seen a cutie mark like that before."
"I…uh…" the stallion was growing increasingly nervous.
"Oh wow did you know if look at your cutie mark like this," Derpy said widening her irises, "It kind of looks like…"
"I have to go!" The stallion charged off into the distance.
"Ah! Hey! Wait a second, I'm not finished!" Derpy flew after the charging stallion only to fly headfirst into the sign of Rarity's favorite coffee shop, causing the sign to swing back and forth as Derpy hung from it like a bear skin rug.
Rarity, walking out of the shop with a cup of joe could hear what she considered to be awful creaking and looked up to see Derpy hanging from the sign. "Oh my goodness, are you quite all right Derpy?" Rarity asked her.
Derpy came unglued from the sign and shook her head. "Huh, yeah I'm fine. I was just chasing after this albino stallion. He had a really cool cutie mark. If you look at it with your inner eye," Derpy said, pointing to her ocular nerve, "It makes it look like a muffin."
Rarity laughed nervously. "I'm sure it does, Derpy." Being friends with Pinkie Pie should've had the unicorn prepared for any sort of absurdity, but there were clear differences between Pinkie Pie and Derpy in terms of social behavior.
Pinkie Pie was overly hyper and sometimes never shut up, but she was a good conversationalist when she wanted to be. She did things that, for many ponies clearly broke the laws of Equestrian Physics, and often her energetic behavior led to chaos, though she meant well. However, she did at least have somewhat of a good head on her shoulders, completely aware of her surroundings and all around the friendliest pony and most popular within ponyville as far as anypony knew.
Derpy on the other hand was socially awkward, frequently misunderstood social context and said things that sometimes even Pinkie Pie just had to nod her head and let slide, like her tale about the mysterious swamp monster in Froggy Bottom Bog that breathed sprinkles and was allergic to mint toothpaste. Much like Pinkie Pie, she meant well, often trying to be friendly, but she often did not see how she was butting into social groups she wasn't invited into. However because of her condition, all of the ponies around her treated her kindly, walking on egg shells not wanting to hurt her feelings because the blonde Pegasus was so kind hearted.
"If you see him, let me know. I want to introduce him to Pinkie Pie. I think he's new," Derpy said and flew off towards the post office.
With her job at the post office concluded for the day, Derpy made her way to Sugarcube Corner to continue baking muffins.
"Hey there baking buddy!" Pinkie Pie greeted her as Derpy set hoof into the kitchen. "What recipe are we working on today?"
Derpy pulled a note from out of her satchel. "I want to try out a new recipe from the other night." Derpy put the recipe sheet on the table. The recipe was called "Mud Lava Muffins".
"Mud lava?"
"Yeah see," Derpy pointed to a hand drawn scribble of the finished product, see, "The muffins have liquid chocolate in the center so when you take a bite it oozes all down the side and since the muffin is meant to look like the ground I call it mud lava."
"But it's chocolate, so wouldn't it be chocolate lava?" Pinkie Pie asked. Derpy gave the pink pony an absentminded, confused, head tilted look. "Oh never mind, let's bake some muffins!"
"Yay!" Derpy reared up on her hind legs.
After successfully putting the batter together and getting the batch in the oven, Derpy decided to mingle out in the dining area. She beamed when she saw Lyra and Bon Bon by the door and began to walk over to them. They appeared to be just settling down.
As she walked over toward them though she was flagged down and called for by Twilight, though the unicorn wasn't exactly sure as to Derpy's name so she just called out to her. "Hey, you! Over here!" Derpy looked over at Twilight and indicated herself with her hoof. "Yes, you!" Twilight waved her over. Derpy happily trotted towards Twilight. "Hi, Twilight Sparkle."
"Oh, you seem to have me at a disadvantage, I recognized you because I always see you around, but I don't think we've ever been formally introduced. How do you know my name?"
Derpy laughed happily. "It's hard to find a pony these days that hasn't heard of the name Twilight sparkle, at least within the Tri-stable area. I'm Derpy Hooves."
"Oh…I…I see."
Derpy understood Twilight's potential discomfort. She didn't understand much, but she had a few key details down pat when introducing herself to new ponies. "Oh, don't worry, I like my name. I know how some people think of it because I have the googley eyes," Derpy said as she moved her eyes around, "And I'm always bumping into things," she said as she shook out her hoof, "But my Mom took one look at me when I was born and I was making this face," Derpy said as she stuck out her tongue to the side and made one eye go up as high as possible without straining her eyeball and the other one go as low as possible without straining her eyeball, "And so she thought the name was perfect for me?"
"Oh, I see," Twilight felt a little more relaxed.
"I'd ask you what can I get you, but Mr. and Mrs. Cake don't let me wait tables. Last time I took an order for a large table and I tripped on my way over and everything had to be remade. I guess the floors here aren't as clean as they are at my house."
"That's fine. Actually I'm here with Applejack who invited me to help do some early taste testing for the upcoming Muffin Festival. It's my first one here in Ponyville. I'm not one for a sweet tooth, but Applejack was so earnest in her request I didn't want to turn her down. She said I should try all of the different kinds. If you can't take my order do you have any recommendations?"
Derpy brightened up. "Actually yeah, Pinkie Pie and I just put a batch of muffins in the oven with my new recipe, I'll have her bring out two one the house for you and Applejack to try."
"That would be great, thanks."
"Uh…where is Applejack?"
"Oh she'll be here in a few minutes. She said she might be a little bit considering how far Sweet Apple Acres is from here, not to mention all of the work she has to do in the morning."
"Oh, I see, well it was nice meeting you."
"Nice meeting you too, Derpy."
Derpy smiled and trotted away from Twilight towards Bonbon and Lyra's table.
Lyra gasped when the gray Pegasus headed their way. "Ack, I thought she only worked here twice a week."
"Oh ponyfeathers that's right, the muffin festival is coming up, of course she's be working here every day!" Bonbon exclaimed.
"Okay, no need to get our hindquarters in a twist, remain calm, act natural."
"Hi girls!" Derpy said walking over only for her happy expression to switch to one of concern. "Is everything all right?"
"We're fine," Lyra said, forcing a cheerful smile, "In fact we're just about ready to order."
Derpy was distraught. "Sorry girls, I know you're my best friends and all, but Mr. and Mrs. Cake won't let me wait tables after what happened last time."
"Oh that's okay," Bonbon said, you don't have to bring it to us and it's just the two of us. Can you just bring our order to them?"
"That I can do!" Derpy said getting overly excited. Mr. and Mrs. Cake hadn't said she couldn't do that.
"We'll just have two milkshakes," Lyra said.
"One for each of us," Bonbon added to avoid the catastrophe of Derpy accidentally thinking they needed four milkshakes.
"Right, got it," Derpy said and headed for the kitchen.
"That was close," Lyra sighed.
"I feel kind of bad for needing to insist the fact that we only want two."
"With Derpy anything's possible. Remember the accordion incident two years ago?"
"You said we would never speak of that again!" Bonbon said with dread in her voice.
"Hey!" An exclamation came. Lyra and Bonbon froze as both turned their heads to hear Derpy within earshot, glaring. Both gulped, afraid she had heard them, but then, all too suddenly her expression changed to one of confusion. "What flavors did you guys want again?" Only Derpy would add 'again' despite not having asked for which flavors in the first place.
"Uh, chocolate!" Bonbon shouted out.
"Strawberry!" Lyra added without hesitation.
"Got it!" Derpy beamed. "One chocolate and one strawberry milkshake coming right up."
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Ponyville theater house
The albino pony Derpy had run into made his way to the theater house, the director of which was looking for a new act to put on in between Derpy's two shows. The old act of Cloudchaser, a blue pony with spikey blonde hair who could do cool tricks with a really big sword in between his teeth, was moving on to bigger and better things and therefore wasn't going to be able to perform anymore. The white pony had scheduled an interview and made his way to speak with the director.
The director of Ponyville's theater house, Wilbur Shakespony, was a unicorn mare originally from Canterlot with a rather long horn and legs, beige coat and frazzled auburn mane that completely covered his eyes. He was in the back when the albino pony found them. "Mr. Shakespony."
Wilbur turned around to see the albino stallion. "Ah you must be the stallion who sent word to meet with me regarding a job." His high-pitched flamboyant voice betrayed his rather shaggy appearance. "I should let you know I don't hire just anypony into this industry. I'm looking for the next big star," Wilbur stretched out his hooves above his head, "To carry himself to become a wonderful entertainer and success," he put his hooves on the ground, "But alas, I am reduced to hiring the best I can find in this small theater house. What's your name and what can you do?"
"M-my name is Clyde Chucklehead. I'm a comedian."
"Ah, a comedian, we haven't had one of those in the theater house in ages! Are you funny?"
"I-I…w-well," Clyde rubbed a hoof against his torso, "Well I did win an award for funniest stallion a few years ago in Tampa Hay."
"You're hired!" Wilbur told him.
"Excellent, I'll get prepared for my act tonight right away. Er that is…I will be going on tonight, right?"
"Oh, but of course, Mr. Chucklehead. I absolutely crave the necessity of players in my theater all evening long and the stallion you are taking over for has been absent for three weeks. Please, make yourself comfortable, I will add you to the roster right away!" Wilbur galloped away towards his office.
"Wonderful," Clyde said with an evil grin as his eyes glowed red for a moment. He chuckled to himself momentarily.
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That Evening
After Derpy put on her first show, another failure for her machine as always, she made her way backstage, still slipping and sliding all over the place, as her hooves were still soapy and she crashed right into poor Clyde.
Derpy shook it off, spread out like a bear skin rug again until she noticed she was on top of the person she had crashed into. "Sorry, I'm sorry!" Derpy said, taking flight. "I didn't see you there and my performance just ended and—hey!" She recognized him and landed on the ground. "You're that stallion I saw earlier today. I didn't get your name."
Oh great, her! "I-I'm Clyde…Clyde Chucklehead. I-I just started working here tonight I'm on next."
"That's great, you'll like it here," Derpy said with a smile with her eyes closed, "Mr. Shakespony is a really good boss. I have another performance after this if you care to watch."
"Umm…sure…I guess," Clyde said finding it hard to deny such an innocent request.
Derpy went over to the metal lunchbox she had brought with her. She opened it and popped the muffin inside into her mouth. Clyde smelled the warm succulent scent of toasted sugar and was drawn to Derpy's snack box. He was salivating as he hunched over her shoulder looking hungrily at the muffins.
"Oh, do you like Muffins?" Derpy asked. "Here, you can have," she asked holding onto the one muffin she was eating and handing him the box with the other four, "I can always make more."
Clyde tore into the muffins like a wild beast, devouring them like a creature with lots of sharp teeth you shouldn't feed after midnight. He realized his bad eating habits and looked at Derpy who had stopped putting the half-eaten muffin into her mouth. He swallowed all of his food. "S-sorry, it's just…I really like muffins is all."
"I can tell, your cutie mark looks like a muffin a little bit so…"
"Wh-what are you talking about?" Clyde sweated shaking his flank. "M-My flank is just a multicolored boxey-thing."
"But if you use your inner eye…oh are you bad at magic eye puzzles?"
"H-huh?" Clyde was confused.
"It's okay if you aren't. Not everpony can do it well. I like magic eye puzzles a lot though. One time I saw one that was colored really pretty with all sorts of reds, yellows and pinks and greens and when I looked at it real closely it turned into a Dolphin. It was really cool."
"U-um…that's interesting. I…uh…"
"Oh! If I'm staying here to watch your act, that means I have to order in for Dinky. Oh, wait, is your routine foal friendly, maybe I'll bring her along for tonight."
"You don't really need to. Um…"
"I'll be right back. I hope I'm not late." Derpy tore into the air only to crash into the ceiling. "I'm okay!" she called out and then pushed open a window near the glass roof and made her way home.
Derpy settled things at home and came back to watch Clyde's routine. She came in on the tail end of a joke and since everypony else was laughing she laughed too. She listened through the rest of it, enjoying the routine. Clyde was really funny.
"So one year I worked as a camp counselor for little fillies in Manehattan and I never did it again because little fillies in Manehattan are so bratty! For example, we were supposed to go on a nature trail and I said 'Hey who's ready to go on a half-mile hike'. At that point I just opened up the floodgates for the fillies to take pot shots at each other like it's a wing or horn comparing contest." A few chuckles escaped the audience at the comparison as the bit continued with Clyde pretending to be a different filly with every changed sentence. "Uh, I went on a two mile hike. Uh, I went on a five mile hike and I wasn't even tired. Yeah, well my dad competed in the Manehattan walk for hoof cancer and I had to carry him the last ten miles." The audience laughed at the absurdity. Clyde returned to his normal voice. "I'm like fillies you're eight, get your juiceboxes and let's get going!" Everypony laughed.
Clyde concluded his routine with. "And the dragons think they're so high and mighty, walking around, breathing fire or whatever kind of breath they have." He wiped his hoof in front of his face. "Do those things brush at all?" Laughter sounded through the hall. "But seriously, they might think they're all that, but when push comes to shove we all know we've got them horsewhipped. How do I know? Well, why else do you think we call them yellow bellies?" The audience was in uproar. "Thank you ladies and gentlecolts you've been a wonderful audience, goodnight!"
As Derpy headed back stage to ready her bubble machine she complimented Clyde on a job well done and told him he was really funny. "Yeah…thanks."
Clyde could only laugh as Derpy floundered yet again with her failed bubble machine only to notice that all of the ponies seemed to be laughing at her as Derpy was blissfully oblivious to their schadenfreude induced laughter. That evening he went to the space he was renting out with the Rich's speaking with Filthy Rich long after Diamond Tiara had been put to bed.
"I saw your performance tonight. You're as funny as I've heard Mr. Chucklehead."
"Oh please, call me Clyde," Clyde told him. "Thanks again though for letting me stay with your family Mr. Rich."
"Oh no, no, no the pleasure is mine. Anything for a friend of my sister, Lotta."
"By the way Mr. Rich, what's the deal with that gray Pegasus?"
"Gray…Pegasus?"
"The one with the weird eyes."
"Oh, her. She's an oddball that one," Rich said, taking a sip of his wine, "The sooner you learn to accept her presence the better. She's not going away any time soon."
"Why do you say it like that? She doesn't seem that bad."
"She's not, but she's so strange, but nopony here is mean enough to say it to her face. The poor thing, blissfully unaware of the world around her and how it sees her."
"Interesting," Clyde said with a smirk as he loudly sipped his wine.
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The Next Evening
Despite wanting to see Clyde's performance again, Derpy didn't want to leave Dinky home for two nights in a row and she was certain he must repeat a routine every once in a while. She'd get to hear them all eventually. Derpy and Dinky were finishing dinner when Derpy happened to take note of the clock. "Up, I have to get going. You know the rules Dinky, right?"
"Don't let anypony in that I don't know that Mommy hasn't told me is coming by. Don't leave the house unless it's an emergency and don't go into Mommy's room either."
"That's my girl!" Derpy nuzzled and pecked Dinky on the forehead before heading out for work again. When she arrived she was just coming in on the tail end of Clyde's routine, who had seen her walk in the door and head for backstage. He smirked to himself, ready to put his plan into motion.
"Okay, okay, but enough about my last trip to the Broncos. I'm sure everypony here knows about a very special pony here in Ponyville by the name of Derpy Hooves, am I right?" Cheers from the audience could be heard. Derpy smiled as she continued to tweak her bubble machine in hopes that it might work this time. She would give it a few short cranks of the wrench, figuring Clyde was wrapping up his bit and letting her come on stage.
"But has anypony noticed just how weird she is?" Derpy stopped mid-twist with the wrench in her mouth when she heard this. "I mean for evidence look no further than her eyes. Is she looking up, down, left or right? Oh wait, she's probably just trying to pretend she's paying attention, but her eyes are a dead giveaway that nobody's home." Everypony laughed. The wrench dropped from Derpy's mouth in shock. Clyde continued. "Seriously though it is a good skill," he paused, "If you wanna look like a freak show." The audience roared.
"Th-that's not…" Derpy stammered, deeply hurt.
"Also I heard she broke a floor just by sitting on it. Well I guess we all know where that muffin weight goes." Derpy felt like she might cry.
"And everypony, please…tell me I'm not the only one who's noticed this. Surely it should be obvious that the reason she had to adopt is because one weird-eyed pony is enough for this neighborhood, am I right?"
Derpy was now deeply depressed and gravely emotionally wounded as the mean-spirited, hurtful jokes continued for what felt like hours, but didn't even exceed ten minutes. "Ah, but that's enough folks, let's let the old mare come on out and slip and slide all over the stage, just like my ex-wife."
The spotlight panned stage right, but Derpy did not emerge, not at first. It was a short while before she exited onto the stage looking downtrodden and miserable. Her mane was drooping as much as she was. She didn't even have the bubble machine with her. She just sat her plot down center stage as the spotlight focused in on her. For a few moments Derpy didn't move. She didn't say anything or make any noise, at least until what sounded like tearful sniffing echoed through the theater hall.
"So that's it huh? That's how you all really feel?" Derpy asked, sounding sadder than a grieving widow. "I'm just the special pony that everypony pities? I'm the everymare that gets talked about behind her back because she's different? You act like you want me to come forward and be one of the crowd, but you don't like me at all do you? I'm just a source of comedy for you all aren't I?" Derpy picked up her head, tears were threatening to fall. She was doing her best not to break down in front of the audience. "I thought you loved me!" Derpy shouted and then took off and exited through the front doors of the theater, smashing them apart at the hinges like the impact brought upon by a runaway truck. Tears streamed behind her as she flew all the way home and crashed through the second story window onto her bed, hitting it head first and flopping onto her stomach on the opposite side of it from which she had entered. She covered her eyes with her hooves and began to cry. She had never been so hurt in all her life. Derpy had never felt so betrayed. For years she thought everypony considered her just like every other pony, but she couldn't have been more wrong.
Dinky, downstairs, heard the crash and galloped up the stairs. She grabbed the plunger from the bathroom, magically levitating it in an attempt to use it, believing a burglar entered her house. She knew she wasn't supposed to enter her mommy's room when no one was home and it was best for her to dial 911, but she had to investigate first. She pressed her ear to the door when she heard crying from a voice that sounded awfully familiar.
Using magic she turned the knob and opened the door. From the light shining into the dark room, Dinky could see her mother sobbing on the ground. "Mommy, what are you doing home? What happened?" She paused briefly and then added. "And why are you crying?" Derpy didn't answer or address Dinky, she just continued to cry. Dinky didn't know what to do to help her mommy. She had never seen her like this. She felt she could at least start by dropping the plunger. She then walked over to her Mommy and nuzzled her before settling down next to her.
Dinky had no idea what was bothering her Mommy, but she wanted her Mommy to know that she was right beside her.
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One Week Later
For the next several days Derpy was not quite herself. For starters she flew with her head down as though she was ashamed simply for existing. Dinky's rides to school were rather boring, she was worried. At work Derpy seemed unenthusiastic at both the post office and Sugarcube Corner. Even Pinkie Pie dumping a bag of flour over her head couldn't lift her spirits.
At work she even asked if she could do some letter filing, the most boring job in the office. When asked why she was volunteering for that duty Derpy's response was, "Somepony has to do it."
Dinner was somewhat saltier than normal, mostly due to the fact that Derpy was crying whilst she cooked. She refused to do her performance job, of course. And of course, Clyde was not getting off easy with some of the name calling during his routines, even making fun of other ponies, though none of his jokes about them were as mean-spirited or derogatory as they were towards Derpy.
By the end of the week Derpy had finally made up her mind of what to do. Saturday evening, Twilight received a knock on her door. She opened it to reveal Derpy, carrying a rucksack with her wing, and Dinky sitting in a wagon with an overnight bag amongst other things one would consider "the essentials" in it.
"Derpy?" Twilight asked. "Is everything okay?"
"It's not, nopony likes me and I'm so fed up with it all."
"That's not true, I still like you."
"You're only saying that to make me feel better. I see right through you, Twilight Sparkle!"
"Derpy what are you talking about?" Twilight had been so absolved in her books and studying that she'd never taken a proper look around ponyville and noticed the change in the atmosphere surrounding one gray Pegasus.
"You know what I'm talking about, but…it's okay, I understand." Derpy went over to the wagon and clasped the handle with her mouth and dragged Dinky towards Twilight. She looked at Twilight. "I know it's selfish of me to ask, but I want you to look after Dinky for a while."
"Wha—but Mommy you said we were just visiting Twilight," Dinky said, alarmed.
"I'm sorry Dinky, especially for lying to you, but…you deserve better than me for a role model."
"I don't understand," Dinky said, distraught, "Mommy, what's wrong?"
"You'll understand when you're older," Derpy kissed Dinky's horn, "Please forgive me."
"Derpy, I really don't think this is necessary."
"I've thought it over," Derpy said and walked away sadly away from the library and away from Ponyville. "This is what I've decided to do."
"Mommy, no!" Dinky jumped out of the wagon and ran after Derpy, biting her tail. Derpy looked lazily back at Twilight who understood and used her magic to pull Dinky towards her. Dinky flailed her hooves towards Derpy as she continued to walk away.
"Be good to Twilight, Dinky," Derpy told her. "There's a lot you can learn from a unicorn like her. She's sensible, intelligent, she's a unicorn like you," Derpy's eyes filled with tears as she stood facing away from the library. "And she'll be a better role model for you than I ever was." Derpy then took off into the air.
Dinky chased after her. "Mommy! Mommy! Don't go! Mommy, come back! Don't leave me!" Derpy soared higher and higher into the air. "Don't leave me, Mommy! Come back! I love you! I love you, Mommy!"
Derpy's lip quivered and tears followed her as she flew off away from ponyville and out of sight.
Dinky sat on her plot and her lip quivered before she burst into tears. Twilight walked over to her and did her best to comfort the little filly.
From the second floor of town hall, Clyde watched Derpy soar off into the distance, "There she goes," he smirked like the devil himself, "All according to plan."
To be continued...
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(A/N: So as you may have guessed by now, this fic is about Derpy. I've designed it in such a way that I think that, if the writers of MLP put their minds to it this would be the way to go to not only confirm Derpy as she is, but also keep the people who are "offended by her" off their backs. As you can tell this is only the first part and the rest of it is on its way, if not already done. But anyway, now the ch summary: Poor Derpy, huh? I wanted to establish her as a character that is just socially awkward and oblivious to the fact that the other ponies find her weird. I also wanted to make it so that Dinky was her adopted child on purpose to prevent the messiness of "Who's the Father?" because that's not the point and also add to the trauma when she leaves Dinky behind and Dinky begs her not to go because to the little filly Derpy is her mom. On top of that, I really liked writing that whole beginning and establishing that Derpy breaks her back just to hear Dinky tell her she loves her at the end of the day. If this was animated parents would be gripped as much as their kids. And in case you couldn't tell, Derpy's whole speech before she leaves the theater is supposed to be a sort of leaning on the fourth wall given how negatively some people responded to her once she opened her mouth. I wanted to get in a scene with Derpy and Rainbow Dash, but I like how this is set up right now so I guess later when the two confront I'll just reference Last Roundup. Also the sad truth of all of this is that many people with disabilities like myself [I have ADHD] don't realize the mean things people think of them behind their back. In a sense I guess that means you can say this is based off of personal experience. I'm pretty sure most of you know what the lesson is I'm trying to pull here, but for those of you who are slow I'll let the remainder of the fic speak for itself. Till next time my fellow bronies, till next time).
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© 2012 - 2024 draconichero18
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Poor Derpy 
i hope it turns out to be a happy end.
i hope it turns out to be a happy end.